Avoiding the spotlight
Don’t ever let them see you coming. Sounds like an order
from an army General, doesn’t it? I want to show you how this can also be a rewarding approach to generosity. Let’s start by looking at how we might do some things. An apology with a condition (“I’m sorry, but…”) is no real apology. And a good deed with an expectation of praise is really not as fulfilling as it could be. This is a pet peeve of mine: doing something good for someone else with the expectation that you will be recognized for it. Here’s what most people don’t realize: when you do something for the benefit of someone else anonymously, the reward is much greater. Recognition for kindness is a bonus, not a requirement. I like anonymity best, because I get to see something magical happen.
Now, in saying that, I’m going to give you an example by pointing out something I did. My intention is not to take undue credit for “how great I am” for doing it or “look at me!”. Please just see it as an example of how this behavior works, nothing more. A few years back, around Christmas, I was in the local checkout lane at the grocery store. There was a bagger (or “sacker”:)), who happened to be a high-‐ functioning young man with Down’s syndrome. My heart always goes out to those who have this condition (I might argue that their free-‐spirited, kind and gentle approach is a lesson for us all). I naturally engaged him as I was checking out. Talking to him, he told me that he loved Garth Brooks. He was hoping to get the new Garth CD for Christmas. “Hopefully Santa remembered”, he said. I finished checking out and after turning down several of his overtures for assistance bringing my groceries to my car (“Thank you so much, I’ve got this… No really, I do… I bet you’d be a big help, but you’re needed right here for the next person in line… See you next time, buddy…”), I loaded my bags in the car. Then, I sneaked back in the store. I could tell that the cashier was smiling at my earlier exchange with the young bag-‐boy. I made my way quietly to the CD rack where Garth Brooks’ shiny new release was prominently displayed and waited for my new young friend to help someone out with his or her groceries. Then, I bought the CD from the same cashier and handed it to her with these instructions: “Tell Kevin that Santa dropped this off”. Then, I did something that you probably think is crazy. I left. I didn’t hang around to watch that cashier hand Kevin his gift from Santa. Didn’t wait to see Kevin’s reaction. I went to my car and drove away. You see, the beauty in any act of kindness, even one as little as this, is the feeling you get from brightening someone’s day unexpectedly without sticking around for the accolades.
The next time I was in the store, the cashier recognized me and gave me a big smile. She told me that Kevin was SO surprised and excited! That was more reward than I could even hope for. Getting any public credit for my good deed actually discounts the act itself. Did that benevolence make me feel good? You bet it did. And my imagining it – the look on Kevin’s face – will be a memory that I will never forget, even though it was simply an image of how I thought it might’ve been. Anonymous acts, unselfish generosity and unsung gifts are beautiful, magical and the most rewarding of all.
So today, remember to give freely. Don’t expect your reward to come from others recognizing your profound generosity. Don’t try to shine a public light on your benevolent actions in any way. Your heart, mind, spirit and character will grow when you celebrate it alone. God has a special reward for you – one that just the two of you can share. I promise, it’s better than any pat on the back, headline in the newspaper or accolade in a social post that you would receive if you made your act public. And the more you do it that way, the more you’ll want to do it that way. Be a silent soldier of kindness. Have a great day!
Love dad
Return to homepage
