Passing the text
A few years back, I was meeting with some friends. We were discussing both the challenges and rewards of being a parent. Growing up in a family with three other brothers, I was well-acquainted with siblings that fought, wrestled and got bruised and battered playing our life version of demolition derby. Fast-forward to the present, I have a son and a daughter – Jett and Savannah. I thought I understood the ins and outs of raising children. But I found that raising a son was a journey of trial and error. A daughter, thanks to my testosterone-filled childhood, was even more of a riddle to me. One of my friends at that gathering chimed in with some advice about raising a daughter: “as a father, one of the most important things you can do for your young daughter is encourage her. Let her know you will always be there. Tell her she’s beautiful, inside and out”. It was somewhat paradoxical. I felt all of these things for my then teenage daughter, but hey, she is a teenager. It’s not like we discuss deep subjects all the time. If you have a teen, you know what I mean. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter is a deep thinker – and so is my son – and sometimes we address the important things, but we don’t gather around the dinner table every night exploring the mysteries of life. By the way, that would be just fine for me, but life doesn’t happen that way. And that got me thinking… I have all of this experience, knowledge and wisdom that I want, I need, to pass along. And I wanted both of them to know how much they mean to me. My first, best job on this planet is being a husband and father. Everything else is a distant second. I love my family. I love hanging with them. Only, I’m aware of the challenges and distractions available that can derail my best efforts. My main objective, and the reason for this book, is to communicate my thoughts, ideas and feelings to my children. I wrestled with this idea and, like most problems, let it cook for awhile in my brain. I have no problem conveying three words, “I love you”, and do so freely and often. But how could I impress upon my daughter concepts like: “you’re beautiful”, or to my son: “what it really means to be a man”? How could I best deliver sage advice about things like how to recover after failure, the value of playing, the meaning of happiness, the three types of love?
One day it dawned on me: they both carry smart phones. I know this, because I pay for them. Like most millennials, they were always communicating on social channels, always had their head down and nose in their screen. They always read their text messages. Text messages. That was worth a try. So, one day I sent my daughter a text telling her that she is beautiful (which she most definitely is), giving her some advice to start her day. The next day, I followed that up with another text encouraging her to just be herself, because that’s a wonderful thing. This went on for a few months without response. I was dutiful enough to send texts to Savannah at least 4 times a week, telling myself that it doesn’t matter whether or not she ever responds, because I know she’s getting the message. By this time, I had begun sending texts to Jett as well – he was starting out his college career and, like most freshmen, was struggling a bit to find his way. He also needed some encouragement.
About 3 months later, something incredible happened. Savannah responded to one of my messages, with a text: “dad I know I’ve never told you this, but I really like these messages. They make my day. Thank you for sending them”. Now, picture one of the Apollo rockets blasting off from the launch pad at Cape Canaveral. That was me. We have launch. This was working. That’s all the incentive I needed. I had tapped into the vein of communication. It felt great. A few months later, I combined my effort and decided to craft text messages appropriate for both; those are the ones I used mostly for this book.
So, that’s it. That’s how it happened. If I was a singer, I’d sing you a song, with the hope that you’d sing along. I’m a writer, so I text my kids 2-3 times a week. My messages have gotten longer at times, depending on the subject matter. They’ve touched on a variety of themes; some are influenced by a timely challenge, some are simply timeless truths. But they all point back to three words: I love you.
By the way, I’m not a big believer in all technology all the time. In fact, in our family, we’ve instituted a policy I’ve coined: no-tech table. Whenever we sit down to eat, our phones, computers and smart pads go down as well. You can’t enjoy conversation if no one’s contributing or paying attention. Even though I get the occasional scowl from my kids, I think, deep-down, they appreciate it. I know I do.
I hope you enjoy this read. More importantly, I hope it inspires you to reach out to your children in some effective manner. You have a lot of life experience and I think there’s a need in all of us to pass that along. Feel free to borrow some of my words or ideas – I have friends who have done just that. My intention is to open the lines of communication between both generations and to tap into the power of passing along wisdom and encouragement. It’s all about love. If you get a chance, let me know what you think – or send me some great stories/texts that you’ve written. We’re all in the parent foxhole together. I’ve got your 6. My website is textbooklove.com.
Go show your love.
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