Selling yourself short
So what’s this I hear about everyone wanting to have sex?
Let’s get this out of the way up-‐front: everyone wants to have sex. It’s a powerful inner drive that starts as a curiosity or spark -‐ ignites when we are younger -‐ and grows as we feed it. The desire for sex never leaves us – even as we get older.
Don’t worry -‐ This isn’t a lesson about ‘the birds and the bees’. You’re way beyond that. You know how the equipment works. And, by the way, I didn’t write the owners manual, but I hope the benefit of my experience will help you better understand how and when to use this sensitive machinery.
There’s a difference between what attracts a man to a woman and what a woman desires in a man. Speaking from experience, when men are young and unattached, we can’t keep our eyes off pretty women. I heard a sex therapist put it this way: asking a man to ignore an attractive woman when they walk by is like asking a starving man to push a plate of food away from the table. It’s an over-‐powering desire. A man’s libido, similar to a woman’s, has its peaks and valleys. For women, attraction is more complicated. Their desire is peaked, not simply through visual stimulation, but through cultural cues like
protection and financial security. Gaining approval from a peer group can also be key.
So, how often do we think about sex? The big urban myth tells us that men think about sex every 7 seconds or 7200 times a day! This feeds the stereotype that men are sex-‐ crazed animals continually on the hunt for stimulation. A whole seedy industry has been built on that misperception. Left uncorrected, this self-‐perpetuating myth gives every man an inferiority complex, because no male thinks of sex that often (we need to eat, after all!). Because the world equates sexual drive with manliness, when a man doesn’t measure up to the standard – 9 times a minute – he feels inferior. In response, he feeds his desire for more. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s just not true.
The most reliable and scientific studies show that men think about sex about 19 times a day, women slightly less
– 9 times a day. That’s a far cry from how often the world says we “should” be thinking about sex. So, the heat is on to measure up – for both men and women. Women are pressured to give in to their sexual desire at an earlier age. After all, if a man thinks of sex that often, they have to look the part. Giving males what they want will make men like them more, right? Fueled by the need to fit-‐in and have security and status (with a boyfriend), girls start wearing make-‐up, provocative clothes and jewelry at a younger age with the intent to attract a significant other. Both sexes are deeply affected by the worldly perception that men are sex-‐crazed and women are starved for security and status. The reality is, if you buy into this belief, you sell yourself and your experiences, short.
Just because we have this powerful desire, doesn’t mean we need to give in to it. Giving into our sexual drive, whether the intent is to measure up to some false standard or just have a casual experience, means that we’re compromising. Just so you know, there’s no shortage of those of the opposite sex ready and willing to satisfy your immediate desires. Right now.
The world wants to indulge your fantasies and perpetuate the myth of a sex-‐crazed society. Just turn on the TV or go online. It’s everywhere. The truth is, sex is really this incredible, precious and meaningful experience. If you simply give it away, the experience will leave you feeling empty. More importantly, your decision to have sex is critical, because the end-‐result could increase the population by one.
You want some good news? Sex with the right person is incredible; it’s a deeply personal, spiritual and highly emotional experience. It’s worth waiting for, because you’re worth the wait! Don’t sell yourself short. Sell high.
Have a great day! Love dad
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