The eyes have it
What’s so important about shaking someone’s hand, looking someone square in the eye? How powerful is our need to please others? It’s part of what makes us who we are and, done correctly, it brings out the best in us.
But we are inventive creatures. We like shortcuts. Social media is a great example. This modern tool allows us to project an artfully crafted, creatively edited version of ourselves to others. The objective is to spark reaction. We post pithy sayings, emotionally charged videos, share content that we feel is amazing, even chastise and sensationalize our own failures. Of course, it’s all for show. It isn’t really us, only the illusion or persona we choose to present. 99% of Social media should come with a warning label: For entertainment purposes only.
Now, because social media is a fantasy artfully crafted by its users, it presents an interesting dilemma. As participants, we read posts and judge quickly. As authors, we post quickly and assume others understand us fully. Of course, neither is true, right or best for us. Ironically, what social media lacks is the ability for us to be fully us, completely real. People see us as an exaggeration, a fringe participant whose views are either rigid, wise or deeply flawed. They cannot see all the ingredients that make us truly human: the good and bad, wise and naive, authoritative and submissive, inflexible and kind, funny and reflective. These wonderful traits are impossible to showcase over digital social channels.
Never forget that anything other than face-‐to-‐face interaction is just a cheap imitation. With so many of your peers believing that social media is omnipotent, there is a wonderful opportunity to rise above and set your own course. There is absolutely no substitute for visiting one on one with someone, looking them in the eye, shaking their hand, giving them a hug, reading their body language, offering up a smile. Every interaction carries with it a complex set of emotions and communication cues. Proper interpretation is key. The leaders of your generation will be the ones who master the one-‐on-‐one. Don’t miss the most important aspect of this type of interaction. When you look someone in the eyes, you see them beyond the surface. It goes beyond the physical connection into the mental, emotional and spiritual realms. The eyes are truly the windows to the soul. Social media may be a temporary fix to stay in touch, might be a great way to receive news quickly, but it cannot possibly replace in-‐person interaction.
We please others best when we can be ourselves and let others fully appreciate us: warts, flaws and all. We are best when we let our guard down. We don’t grow when we can simply “log-‐out” of challenging conversations. Those awkward moments are fertile ground where relationships bond, adapt and grow. Without these events, we become less than who we are, always striving to present a more perfect version of ourselves.
So today, pick your head up. Put your phone down. If someone needs to hear something, needs guidance or reassurance, don’t post it, tell them in person. Do you really want to learn to please others? Start by making the effort, devoting the time to meet with others face-‐to-‐face. Look them in the eye. Show them that you are willing to put in the extra effort. Your willingness to go the extra mile means that they are valuable. Your reward is a stronger relationship. In the end, that’s what matters.
That’s what’s real. You are perfect, just the way you are. Don’t ever forget that. Go have a perfectly wonderful day!
Love dad
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