The mask
Why do we prefer to wear a mask? We all fake it. Whether it’s with body language or the words we use, we are constantly projecting an image that’s different than our true self.
Take the strut, for instance. Why do we feel the need to swagger, to strut in order to convey confidence? The reality is, there’s a need in all of us to prove that we have it all together, especially when we don’t.
How about the pleasant, happy smile we offer when someone asks, “how’s it going”? That plastic grin conveys: we have everything under control, even when we don’t. Responses follow suit: “great!”, “awesome!”, “never been better!” Lies designed to support the mask we wear.
It’s called false bravado: a projection of the self that hides out true persona. Most of the time, we can’t help ourselves. False bravado is a protective mechanism. We rely on this behavior, especially when we want to make a positive first impression. Like when we encounter an attractive member of the opposite sex. Or when we go in for our first big job interview. Or when we tell stories about an experience and embellish some of the details, because it will make us sound more interesting. False bravado is employed to help avoid or soften the blow of failure. Sometimes it works. But, here’s the kicker – when others show us false bravado, we almost always see right through them.
Think about it: you’ve seen others trying to act confident when they’re not. When you ask a friend how they’re doing, and they respond with a smile and a quick ‘fine’, can’t you accurately assess their honesty? Of course.
Most times, try as we might to be cool, when we first meet someone we’re attracted to, we usually stumble all over ourselves. That’s OK, because they almost always do the same. Displaying false bravado in these situations can actually make another person feel special. They’ve thrown you off your game.
Of course, there are times when false bravado can make others feel small. Say someone scores better on an exam or accomplishes something before we do. How do we handle it? We tend to minimize their success by pretending that we could’ve done it too, it just wasn’t that important to us at the time. Really? If it’s worth the effort, it’s worthy of our best effort.
When we use false bravado to show someone else up, it causes resentment. Our confidence is unwarranted. The truth is, false confidence is really no confidence at all. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. And even though we know that people see right through it sometimes, we project this bloated self-‐esteem and assurance anyway.
Here’s a great takeaway: when you’re exceptionally good at something, you don’t have to try and prove it by sending false signals. When we know that we can handle a situation, we don’t need to over-‐compensate. And when a friend asks a simple ‘how are you?’ sometimes they really want to know, so share.
We are always best when we are free to be ourselves. Getting beyond the false bravado, to a place where we can be real, that takes genuine confidence. Being vulnerable, helping others even when our situation might not be ideal, that’s how we grow and build real character.
You were given the gifts of empathy, generosity, intelligence and wonderful physical traits as well. You don’t have to be someone you’re not. You don’t have to strut, because everyone knows that you are good enough. So today, don’t fake it. Be confident. Because the real you is the best you. Have a great day! I’m so proud of who you are! Love dad
Return to homepage
