Three Times the Love
Does love hurt? Does this all-‐consuming feeling have pain built in to it? The hard truth is yes, love can be and is painful. But that’s what makes it the most beautiful and precious thing we can do.
God tells us that there are 3 types of love that we can experience. The first is Eros love. This is the love everyone talks about, the love pop singers pen songs about, the type that young people dream about. It is romantic love. Eros gets your heart rate racing, generates a deep, almost obsessive desire to be with another person. All of this begins before we really get to know each other. But Eros doesn’t care. The attraction is so strong it will consume our thoughts and change our behavior, even to the point of abandoning logic. The very first time we do it, we fall in love easily. We enjoy the fact that we aren’t really in control of our own emotions. We become dependent on another. Eros might even be described as “love at first sight”. Our attraction is usually based on physical appearance. As we dive into Eros, we open up and slowly reveal parts of ourselves to another that we haven’t shared with anyone else. We become vulnerable, but that’s OK, because we trust that Eros has guided us to someone special. That might be the case, but sometimes not. And when it doesn’t last, it hurts. What’s important is to realize is that Eros is only temporary, it doesn’t last.
Eros is selfish: it makes us focus on our own self, rather than another. We crave the joy that comes from romantic relationships, this “new love”. But God never meant for this initial joy to last. He wants it to progress and grow into something even more fulfilling: Philos love. This is the love that springs from friendship.
Studies show that relationships that begin as Philos and then evolve into Eros have a much higher chance of lasting long-‐term. It’s not necessarily a guarantee – your mom and I started in Eros and then experienced Philos – but apparently, it helps. Philos means there is a mutual benefit for both people in the relationship. We tend to focus on one another, rather than on the “self”. This higher love is not reserved simply for a mate, but can be experienced between best friends or even family members. For couples, however, Philos plays a major role in keeping the relationship strong and mutually beneficial. Most critical, it gives the couple motivation to strengthen their bond long after those first romantic feelings have left. Don’t worry, Philos doesn’t destroy romance. In fact, it can initiate those feelings even after two people have been together for a very long time. Philos gives one another a deeper appreciation and desire to be together. A relationship that goes away after Eros and Philos occurs is particularly painful. Your heart, mind and spirit have been devoted for a long time. It’s like uprooting a big tree. The roots run deep and some will be broken off in the process. Losing someone you love long-‐term is almost incomprehensible.
Believe it or not, there’s a third type of love that’s even more incredible than Eros and Philos: Agape love. This is the highest form of love because it’s unconditional.
Agape says no matter what you do, no matter how bad it gets, love remains strong. This is where you both come in. I experienced Agape love when you were born. It’s an overwhelming feeling to know, without question, that I would do anything for you. My life was put in perspective because, suddenly right in my arms, I was cradling something much more important me. It is love without self-‐benefit. It does not require an answer from the object of love. My love for you will never dissipate. Agape allows us to see our truest, most noble purpose. This is the type of love that God shows us. It was the basis for Christ’s sacrifice and resurrection. As a father, I can’t imagine giving my child over to be treated the way Christ was treated by us. Agape love is a gift and the closest we can ever get to understanding the true nature of God. I have no doubt that you will be as overwhelmed and changed by it as I continue to be.
So does love hurt? Yes it can. It can break things in places so deep, you never thought anything could reach down that far. But take heart, because love can also heal that same brokenness. It can put you back together again.
Today, remember that I love you with Agape love. You are my most precious treasure. I am here for you, no matter what. So be bold and enjoy your day. Agape, dad
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