Trust Me
What I’m about to tell you is the absolute truth, cross my heart and hope to die, I guarantee it. Do you believe me? Or did I try a little too hard to convince you?
The thing that gives us the desire to believe in someone is the same thing that makes us question the promise: the importance of trust. You see, we want to believe, we want to trust, we want to give others the benefit of the doubt. We can’t help ourselves. Trust is hardwired into us. There’s a deep desire to believe in each other, because trust is fundamental when building a relationship. When we are young, we believe without question. Our hearts are naïve, we readily trust what we see, hear, smell, touch, taste. Our senses are foolproof. Why would anyone try to trick us? Then, we end up being fooled. A bit of our innocence is lost as we suddenly discover that the world isn’t always what it seems. We quickly adapt. We question, become more discerning about the ways of others, especially those we don’t know very well. We learn the art of persuasion where promises, superlatives and flattery can all be used to help secure our trust.
Let’s peak behind this curtain to better understand the psychology of trust. First, can we always trust a guarantee? You see them everywhere: Money-‐back promises and guarantees, bumper-‐to-‐bumper warranties.
They are simple, direct and powerful. And usually cost you a little bit more at the moment of purchase. Only there’s almost always a catch. In fact, when the rubber meets the road, these guarantees show their true colors. “Your steering wheel fell off? Sorry, you only have the powertrain warranty. Steering wheels aren’t included.” Or perhaps it’s like this “Your computer exploded? Bummer. I see that you purchased the full-‐coverage warranty. You do realize that it only covers you for 90-‐days right? You’ve owned this for 92 days. Tough break. You’re not covered…” Always look at the fine print. Companies play games with written warranties, knowing that the vast majority of people will never qualify to get repairs, replacements or their money back. Occasionally you hear of a company honoring the spirit of their warranty in favor of the customer. That’s a company that gets it. Support them.
Another tried and true method to win trust is the use of empathic language: “I swear to God… I promise… trust me”. These phrases are usually accompanied by superlatives: “the best, the greatest, the most shiniest”. We start using emphatic language at a very early age: “cross my heart and hope to die (stick a needle in my eye)”. Whenever you encounter a promise using a superlative, take a closer look. Either someone is confidently honest or they’re trying very hard to win your trust for a quick buck. The old adage still rings true: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
A few years ago, an acquaintance of mine offered me an opportunity to make some ‘easy money’. He laid out his plan and told me it was ‘foolproof’. I had no reason to doubt him, so I raised investment capital – a considerable sum – and sealed the deal. I was promised that my money would double in 3 months. Of course, as I soon found out, I was foolish to participate. Turns out he was running a scam – and had used this same con on many others. A number of us eventually pressed charges. He served some jail time and was ordered to pay all of us back. I receive a tiny check every 2-‐3 months. At this rate, my original investment will be paid back just about the time your great grandkids are getting ready to go to college. No kidding. It pays to look closer.
Finally, let’s talk about flattery: another method used to win your trust. But you already knew that, because your brilliant! (See what I did there?) The ad biz is notorious for using this technique. “Buy this and you’ll look like a celebrity! Use this and you’ll reach your incredible potential! Do this and you’ll get everything you deserve!” Aspirational language promises the dream, flattery helps sell the dream. Everyone wants the dream. And while the dream is usually just a fantasy, your mind is a mighty instrument. The power of suggestion can be a powerful tool. Flattery provides a shortcut to earning your trust, because it uses our own desires against us. It’s less about the product itself and more about the inflated promise of how the product can improve your life.
In the Old West, silver-‐tongued salesman used to sell snake-‐oil to unsuspecting crowds on the promise that it contained a magic elixir that could heal any ailment and give you special powers. Most of the time, these tonics were laced with alcohol or even opium. Sometimes they were simply placebos. People lined up for the chance to buy the stuff. Some even swore by the tonic. That’s the power of flattery and suggestion. Remember Jack and the Beanstalk? There will always be someone trying to sell you Jack’s beans.
So, while I used a great part of this to warn you about the importance of guarding your trust, please remember: there is no shortcut to credibility and no substitute for good sense. I’m not saying you shouldn’t believe what others tell you, only that you should look closely. Guard your trust like gold, because it’s a precious commodity.
Always ask questions. Always look for the fine print. Always be aware that others are out to win your trust, even through nefarious means. And always remember, you can trust the ones that love you unconditionally (like me), so seek out their advice. Trust me, you’ll be better off doing so. Have a great day! Love dad.
Return to homepage
