You’re Worth More than That
How important is it to have people that truly care about us? And is social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snap-‐chat, etc. really the same as meaningful relationships? Let’s take a look.
In 1992, a psychologist named Robin Dunbar determined that the maximum number of relationships anyone could maintain is 150. This figure is known today as ‘Dunbar’s number’. If you think this number of relationships sounds low (a quick check of my social media groups shows that I have 506 followers on Twitter, 557 friends on Facebook and 185 followers on Instagram), consider this: Throughout all of nature, humans maintain the largest number of complex social relationships, more than any other animal or mammal on earth.
Looking back through history, 150 is a very common number when it comes to grouping. In tribal societies, the average clan had 150 members. Societies from early BC to 1000 AD, consisted of villages with approximately 150 members each. The most effective size of a military group working seamlessly is a “company”, which consists of 130-‐ 150 men. Even modern day businesses realize the power behind this number. Most factories operate at peak efficiency when the number of workers stays below 150. Anything more than 150 members becomes less productive.
So you see, 150 seems to be a number that makes sense. So why do social media channels encourage us to grab thousands of followers? The more people in your social network, the more important (and more valuable) you are, right? Wrong. Connections are not the same thing as relationships. How do you know? Ask yourself these questions: have you met every social friend/follower face-‐ to-‐face? Do you follow them back with the intention of establishing a friendship? If they suddenly disappeared, would it really affect you? If the answer to these questions is ‘no‘, then these aren’t real relationships.
In fact, if you really want to know the most meaningful numbers, consider these: your closest group of people, the ones you could turn to in times of crisis, the ones who advocate for you and have your back no matter what – is a group of 3-‐5 people. Family, your closest friends, those are the people who comprise this small unit. You stay in-‐touch with these people at least once a week. As we widen our circle, we find 12-‐15 relationships called your “sympathy” group. These people include those you contact at least once a month. Next is your distant friends group with 45-‐ 50 people. And finally, at its widest, our circle includes 150 family, friends, acquaintances who you’ve met throughout your life and maintain some sort of personal relationship. Each life affects you in varying degrees depending on the nature of that relationship.
I tell you all of this, because I want you to recognize and appreciate the ones who matter most. Gauging your worth by social media is an exercise in frustration, a never-‐ending cycle where someone is always better, enough is never enough and we are under pressure to present a perfect persona.
Concentrate instead on your 150. They are the ones who are truly invested in your success. Most of all, remember that at least 3-‐5 people would do anything for you. Anything. I’m here for you through thick and thin, sunny and rainy, good and bad. You are in my primary group as well. Don’t ever forget that no one experiences joy or success alone. God didn’t build us that way. So lean on your most important people. And let them lean on you. Because they’re the ones who care most about you. Have a great day!
Love dad
